This is a note based off of a section in Edwin Friedman's book Failure of Nerve.
For Friedman, the presence of leadership matters in how the emotional regulation of a community occurs. The presence or absence of leadership matters, in similar way to a parent who is available or absence within a family.
In this thinking, a person impacts and can modify the "surrounding relationships through its presence rather than its forcefulness. Catalysts function that way, for example, and we use the term to catalyze to mean a reaction that occurs without forcibly rearranging the parts."
My favorite analogy that Friedman uses is that of an electrical transformer. The role of a transformer is to regulate the system. It is able to activate and deactivate based on its coils and structure. The more power it is handling the more coils, etc.
"Reactive leaders function as a step-up transformer. As one education administrator said, “My mother was a step-up transformer, all right. If there was anxiety in the room and she was present, you could count on it escalating.”"
But it is also possible to be a step-down transformer — to function in such a way that you let the current go through you without zapping you or fusing you to the rest of the circuit.
Leaders with a non-anxious, or at least a less anxious (than the rest of the group) presence in the midst of high anxiety can function a lot like this transformer. They can step-down the anxiety.
Transformers have no moving parts. They reduce the potential in a field by the nature of their own presence and being; they are in effect a field themselves.
I would take this further to suggest that this is one way many people can practice leadership, by helping to regulate the emotional terrain of their community. One need not be "the leader" or in some kind of official post to have an impact through their presence.
Finally, there is a tension between this practice of non-anxiousness and remaining presence with the stakes are high. It is easy to withdraw from difficulty spaces. It is much hard to remain committed and in community, while being non-anxious.
"Anyone can remain non-anxious if they also try to be non-present. The trick is to be both non-anxious and present simultaneously."
However, a final word of caution, if one finds themselves within a community, organization, or position in which it is increasingly difficult to hold both presence and non-anxiousness it may be time to move on. This is also okay. It is completely possible and sometimes necessary to recognize that what the space is bringing - and what you bring to the space - is no longer conducive for moving forward in a way that both can be fully present. It is better to move on than to do irreparable damage to yourself or others.
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